They say, “Keeping secrets is a hotbed for betrayal”.

Yes, relationships are usually damaged by lies and insecurities developed in a matter of time. It’s hard to feel emotionally connected to someone when you catch them in a lie or find out that they’ve kept a secret from you. Mistrust is a lingering feeling in the back of your mind that your partner does not truly love you or may abandon you. 

So,does keeping secrets mean all about dishonestly and inevitably destroy the relationship? In my opinion, it also depends on your partner’s perception and what he or she is devoted to in this relationship.

 If you are keeping a secret because you don’t want to face responsibility, this can create problems in your marriage. Withholding facts or information your spouse needs to know in decision making is harmful manipulation.

However, there are many couples who have been married for a long time who have personal secrets that they haven’t shared with their spouses. The sense of space and the sense of a private part of oneself is important to many people.

• You have the right to privacy in any relationship, including with your spouse, partner, and family.
• In any relationship, you have the right to keep a part of your life secret, no matter how trivial or how important, for the sole reason that you want to.
• You also have the right to spend some time alone and with only yourself.

In a healthy relationship, you honour the sense of emotional and physical privacy needed for yourself and your partner. Otherwise, ironically, you end up limiting your intimacy with one another, not enhancing it.

However, setting privacy and having secrets could be different matters. You must have a valid reason not to share it with your partner.

There are valid reasons for keeping a secret from your spouse. You shouldn’t have to defend not revealing embarrassing or hurtful moments from your past. It is possible that the secret involves someone else who asked that the story not be told.

If the secret keeper is not experiencing anxiety, rumination, or guilt—is it really a secret? There is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy. Some couples therapists have written that the difference is in how it makes the secret-keeper feel.

Privacy is not bad for a person’s physical or emotional health, while secrets can impact a person’s well-being and decision making. And privacy, rather than secrecy, can be healthy not only for the emotional but also the erotic intimacy of a relationship or marriage. Mystery can add a touch of spark and elusive power in the realm of the erotic.

In conclusion, trust is still a foundation for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself first, is it worth it to keep your secrets? Let your partner know your perceptions on a healthy relationship.

And Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Hope you will find your valentines.

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