They say you can’t choose who you fall in love with.
But you can.
Think about it. It may seem like you’re automatically drawn to bad boys and assholes, whom they seem promising you are the most beautiful girl they’ve ever seen, but take a step back and you’ll see how wrong that is. Everywhere you look, movies and books and TV are teaching us that more conflict means more passion. That you should completely change who you are to be in a relationship with. That unless you’re crying, you’re not feeling.
I wish the advice I’d gotten when I was younger was to find a man who adores me. To find a man who will make a good dad. To find someone who radiates kindness, is reliable, and cares for others. These qualities are always going to result in a more loving, fulfilling relationship.
Right after my breakup with ex, I wanted to focus on myself. I had just come from a beautiful experience in the desert, and I wanted to take full advantage of the wisdom that I’d found there. I vowed to stay single and spend more time alone.
Then I met him!
He had the kind of confidence that only comes from self-made success. He was funny and handsome and he knew it. He was sharp and direct, and we were immediately attracted to each other. When I am with him & I feel warm and safe. I completely forgot about my darken past where I had been in abusive relationship and yes, I was reborn.
We dated hard and fast, getting close together after three months. Strangely, when we are in deep conversation, we don’t talk about love. We talked about future, aims, life experiences, friendships, family, and many so on. One thing for sure is that we don’t make commitment to each other. We don’t frequently going out on dates, because we both agree that it is not an essential in bounding relationship. Although in my past relationship, I was the girl who believed that issues is vital in growing relationships, what I can’t figure out at that time was no matter how the couples stay closed every day, those cheaters will never stay true to their souls.
Not for so long, we are falling deeply in love with each other. He was intelligent and thoughtful and could make me laugh. I admired him. He felt too good to be true. He was succeeded in taking out my dark spirit into brighter side of mine.
Sure, he and I fight, but there’s none of the screaming and crying and storming out that I used to associate with passion. It’s calm and reasonable and full of understanding. I’m not walking on eggshells around him. I can be completely honest without the fear that he’ll walk out on me. My secrets and stories are completely safe with him. I can share everything with him even what I dislike about him. It’s the kind of relationship that makes me wake up and realize,
“Oh. This is exactly what I want my life with someone to be like.”
I would recommend some of my friends to find partners like this. Nice, good men who adore you. Who treat you well and are affectionate and kind. Who are understanding when you’re stressed. (Trust me, I could be the most stressful girl in the world yet he never get bored of giving me the solutions.) Who are endlessly supportive. They’re men who brag about your accomplishments to everyone who will listen. The kind who trust you, no matter where you are or who you’re with, and vice versa. Find a good man who will always treat you well. Even when the fireworks are gone.
When I was a teenager and even in my early twenties, I never thought that I would fall for someone who was so transparent. What you see is what you get with him, and what everyone sees is a kind soul. I grew up believing that these sensitive and attentive men were all wrong. That you should be chasing some brooding, emotional man you can’t quite reach. Someone who will told “I Love You” everyday. Someone who will give promises that are not reasonable. Someone who says the words “I can’t live without you” as a routine conversation.
But I know now that it’s all bullshit.
Don’t look for success; it’s fleeting.
Don’t go for looks; those will fade for sure. We all get old and wrinkly.
Don’t look for money; that power dynamic is full of problems.
Don’t fall for mystery; you don’t know what he could possibly be hiding.
Find someone who will inspire you to be a better person, who will make you laugh even when you don’t feel like it, and who is good to you no matter how tough things are. And strive to be that person for them.
Oh, and look for a guy who will let you have your favorite cat even though he hates to be with annoying playful cat. 😀 That’s how you know you’ve got a keeper.
Relationships have taught me so much about myself and how to be a more loving, patient, and overall better human being. No matter who my partner is or how we end, there’s always something I can learn from what we went through together to incorporate into my life.
Thanks for the broken hearts! Now I know how to put myself back together!